What Fools These Mortals Be
by x-HotMess
Summary: Shakespeare once said that “The course of true love never did run smooth.” Shakespeare was also a stupid pansy. Garrett/Kate


There's not much I remember from my life as a human.

I can remember my first kiss, barely. I was ten years old, out in a field, with the girl who lived next door. I remember she tasted faintly of strawberries.

I can remember the horror I experienced in the few seconds before I thought I would die forever. My life didn't flash before my eyes. It blurred. If you blinked, you missed it.

I blinked. I missed it.

But there is one memory sticks painfully out like a thorn in my side.

Studying William bloody Shakespeare.

Being forced to sit thought tiresome lessons after lessons, having prose and verse and sonnets stuck down out throat. Deciphering all the 'thees' and 'thines' and 'where for art thous' was torture. No one had the heart to break it to our professors that nobody cared about some miserable old twat who had died about 300 years before I was even created. No, we didn't want to know about his contribution to the English language. We didn't want to prance around in tights like queers, quoting from some fairy play. We just wanted to burn those manuscripts into extinction and pretend like he never even existed.

But he did exist. Everywhere I went for the next century and a half, there were people using his quotations. Half the time they didn't even know it came from him. But I did. And when I heard them, I groaned and smacked myself on the forehead, earning many a bemused look. If they were lucky, and were citing from something cool, such as _**Othello**_, then I would most likely let them off the hook. If they were referring to something ridiculous like _**As You Like It**_, however, well, let's just say that Shakespeare would have a hard time writing about their present condition. The blood of Literature students always did taste a bit stale to me.

But what really tweaked me was my own kind using it. Sure, a little "to be or not to be" or "to thine own self be true" never did anyone any harm, but what I couldn't stand was mature vampires, so full of knowledge and having the possibility to use any from of romanticism they wanted, talking in huge chunks of the Bard-y bastard in hope of getting their mate to swoon. And what's worse, when their other halves get sucked into it and sigh and go on about how sweet and romantic they are. Gag me.

Like Edward Cullen. That kid has the most beautiful wife, the cutest daughter, and the kind of lifestyle many vampires can only dream about. So why the heck does he feel the need to try and impress Bella with all this Shakespearean nonsense? The Cullen family was visiting our coven in Denali, and I don't know if it wanted to start a conversation, or he was just trying to get Bella in the mood, but all of a sudden, Edward starts reciting _**Romeo and Juliet**_.

"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Bella is the sun." Edward croons to his wife, tucking her hair behind her cheek and she smiles up at him.

"Yeah, okay Eddie, you love her. We get it. You don't have to keep reminding us." I snarl.

Everyone in the room gives me an odd look. "Are you alright?" Kate places a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Peachy." I snap, turning on my heel and getting out of their piercing gazes as quickly as I could.

I could hear their muttering behind me. "What's his problem?" "Dunno, maybe he's just thirsty?" "I don't think he likes William Shakespeare all that much." Of course the mind reader would be able to get it on the nose.

I groan loudly and start to run. I duck and dodge under leaves and branches. I know I don't have to, but I'd rather leave as many things undamaged as possible today, although I hadn't gotten off to such a great start. Behind me, I hear soft footfalls following me. I sigh, and slow my pace. I know who is pursuing me.

"What's the matter with you?" Kate approaches me slowly from behind and wraps her arms around my waist, resting her chin on my shoulder.

"What is the big deal about Shakespeare? The most miserable hours of my life revolved around that man! I can't believe people still find him interesting!" I exclaim in frustration.

"So, if I say something like… 'In the winter of my discontent'…" She teases.

"Then I would not be a happy camper." I frown at her.

"I don't get it! I think Shakespeare is kinda romantic, and… sexy." She murmurs.

"What? How can ridiculous verses like his be considered sexy?" I gape at her in disbelief.

"I don't know. I am older than you, so I suppose the language appeals to me."

"Really? You don't think it's nonsensical and preposterous?" My eyebrows furrow together and the small smile playing upon her lips.

"No. I think he's just as relevant to the modern era just as much as he was back in his day." She shrugs.

I stare in her in confusion as try to comprehend her opinion. I suppose she has got a point. I chuckle as I think about what Shakespeare might have written about Kate and I. About how the first time she shocked me was the first time I had ever fallen in love with her, with anyone for that matter. Nobody ever had the audacity or the ability to attack me in such a way. About how when we were taking a stand against the Volturi, I took the opportunity, what I thought would be my last chance, to take a risk, a risk I had never taken before, and put my feelings on the line. The fear of her rejection was far greater than the fear of being slaughtered by Caius. About the joy that coursed through my body when she sarcastically replied, returning my affection.

Shakespeare would probably write something about roses and names and kingdoms and horses and fortune's fools, with a few 'doths' thrown in for good measure.

Shakespeare didn't know anything about the real feelings one experiences when they are truly in love. But at least he sure as hell knew how to write a good story.

Shaking my head in amusement, I look Kate straight in the eyes. "I should probably go and apologize to Edward." I mutter thoughtfully.

"Probably." Kate nods, taking my hand and going to lead me back towards the house.

I don't move, and pull her back to me, pressing her closely against my torso. _Sorry Edward! _I think forcefully, squeezing my eyes shut. I open my eyes to Kate's bemused expression.

"All done!" I smile at her.

"Cheater!" She giggles.

"Can I help that I want to spend as much time alone with you as I can? It's hard enough with Tanya always around, let alone all those Cullens!" I huff.

"Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season, when in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme nor reason?" She mocks.

"Hmm. I can see what you mean. That is sexy." I purr, licking my lips.

"Garrett…" Kate sighes in a warning tone.

"What?"

"I don't think we should, I mean, we have company, and there probably wondering where we are, and, well…" I stop her by putting my index fingers to her lips.

"The lady doth protest to much, methinks." I grin, swooping down and pressing my lips on hers in a cheeky kiss.

_AN: Black Adder inspiration, much? XD _


End file.
